Just Sad Right Now. 5.2


My Malcolm would have been four months old today.

I’m five weeks and two days pregnant and right now, out of nowhere, I’m just completely devastated all over again.  I know we got pregnant again pretty quickly (I’m sure many people wait years for their rainbow babies), but as excited as I am, it is just totally wrecking me how long we have to wait and that I have to go through all of this again.

I guess it’s not out of nowhere.  A friend on facebook is nearing her due date and today she posted this:

Just caught a glimpse of my (still, rapidly expanding) profile in the bathroom mirror and welled up somethin’ awful. A miraculous little boy will be mine in mere weeks”

I remember that feeling so acutely.  I remember how big and excited I was four months ago and it just rips me apart.   I know I’ll be there again, but it’s going to be a long road and right now it just feels so hard.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s