My Malcolm would have been four months old today.
I’m five weeks and two days pregnant and right now, out of nowhere, I’m just completely devastated all over again. I know we got pregnant again pretty quickly (I’m sure many people wait years for their rainbow babies), but as excited as I am, it is just totally wrecking me how long we have to wait and that I have to go through all of this again.
I guess it’s not out of nowhere. A friend on facebook is nearing her due date and today she posted this:
“Just caught a glimpse of my (still, rapidly expanding) profile in the bathroom mirror and welled up somethin’ awful. A miraculous little boy will be mine in mere weeks”
I remember that feeling so acutely. I remember how big and excited I was four months ago and it just rips me apart. I know I’ll be there again, but it’s going to be a long road and right now it just feels so hard.