More Good News. 4.3

I took another test yesterday afternoon.  I couldn’t help myself.  This one felt a little more “real” I guess.



Very clear positive.  We are so excited but it still does not feel real to me.  At all.  Any minute I’m expecting it to just all be over.

But, Amanda, shouldn’t you be thinking happy thoughts?  Yes, of course I should.  And I am, honestly!  In fact, I am overwhelmed by positive thinking right now.  Imagining another smooth pregnancy and, at the end of it, a living, breathing, crying baby.  I’m completely inundated by happy thoughts.  But there are many moments where the total sadness of what has happened to us just kind of rears its ugly head and tells my happy thoughts that they’re too premature…too happy…too excited…too hopeful.

It’s not fucking fair, but that’s life.

And every happy day that passes as a result of these two little pink lines…I’m thankful for them, no matter what happens.

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